Anchor Struck

Although I’m a practicing agnostic, I must confess there are times when I sense deities at

play.  If I could accept any supernatural being, it would be the god of absurdity. And, wow,

did She/He/It just moon us a good one.

When I first read about this on the CNN website, I thought the story had strayed from the

Onion.  Sadly/hilariously, it’s for real.  Likely you heard about it, but I can’t take the risk

you haven’t.  Stewart/Colbert are on summer break, so it’s my duty to inform you that

Donald Trump is going to be honoured as Statesman of the Year by the Sarasota County,

Florida, Republican Party.

When I realized that this wasn’t an intentional joke, I thought what most anyone with a grasp

of logic would think: “Getthefuckouttahere!”

But it’s true.  Joe Gruters, the chair of the group, explained that Trump “is one of the few

people in America that (sic) can command the respect of people from all walks of life.”  I’m

assuming he said that with a straight face, being a Republican.

He added that Trump “continues to excel” and is a “consistent winner”, glossing over The

Donald’s four bankruptcies.  The award will be presented August 26th in Sarasota, on the

eve of the Republican National Convention in nearby Tampa.  Gruters estimates that the

event will be attended by 650 people and raise $100,000.

“There’s no bigger name in America than Donald Trump, political or nonpolitical,” Gruters

exulted.  Sorry, Jesus.

My parents raised me to believe that a statesman or stateswoman is superbly tactful.  Mom

was quite specific about that.  Gruters, however, downgraded the criteria to “a wise, proven

and respected leader”.  He needs to continue slumming it down to include Trump.

Let’s review: Trump persists in keeping the birther kerfluffle alive, even after the Tea Party

has abandoned it.  Last year he said he’d found compelling new evidence but failed to provide

it. Recently he renewed his innuendos, then immediately chided the press for dwelling on the

issue.

Trump has been less than diplomatic toward women and the LGBT community.  He opposes

same-sex marriage and civil unions.  As co-owner of the Miss USA Pageant, he has contestants

march past him to “separate those he finds sexually appealing from those he does not.”

When Gloria Allred, the famous womens’-rights lawyer, challenged him for barring a trans-

gendered participant in the Canadian Miss Universe Pageant, he said that she would be “very,

very impressed” with his penis.

A statesman?  Absolutely not.  But he would do the GOP proud as ambassador to Saudi Arabia.