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happy Valentine’s Day, anyway

February 14, 2018

Trump has created such a crisis-rich environment that it’s difficult for me to keep up with the Olympics and Warriors basketball.  I had intended to e-mail the White House to tell POTUS it would be far, FAR cheaper to watch Patton than to spend tens of millions on an actual pavement-crushing military parade.  And the film is much longer than the two-hour spectacle that enthralled The Donny in France — even if he didn’t watch the credits, which I assume he wouldn’t.

But he dropped the idea like a hot bazooka in the rush of a fresh crop of scandals.  Even as I type this, Wolf Blitzer is unpacking the outrage du jour: V.A. Secretary David Shulkin allegedly misled ethics officials about the purpose of a European trip.  I bet Trump just wants to get through this day and have a quiet, candle-lit cheeseburger with Stormy Daniels.

No, wait.  I just found out that Ms. Daniels wants to open up about their fling.  She feels that since Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen now says he paid her off, that invalidates her non-disclosure agreement.

Can you believe all this?

Take the Rob Porter fiasco.  Please.  The issues and sub-issues radiate from it like octopus tentacles.  There are already five White House accounts of its timeline, with plenty more to come.  Central to these chronological inaccuracies is Chief of Staff John Kelly.  Kelly is rapidly becoming the biggest disappointment in the Trump era since Michael Flynn, and until Don Junior and/or Jared Kushner are indicted by Mueller.  We know Kelly is in deep poo because POTUS is talking about what a fine chap the General is.

That nest of viperous lies aside, the most distressing aspect is the stunning disregard for national safety.  Even with the FBI waving red flags, Porter was given a temporary security clearance.  He handled the most sensitive intel generated.  Thirty to 40 more White House employees also have yet to be cleared permanently.

And where to start with the wife beating?  Without the startling photo of Porter’s first wife Colbie Holderness with a black eye, we still might not know of this.  I laud her, Porter’s second wife Jennie Willoughby, and a girlfriend of his for taking the huge risks of speaking out.  Porter has also been dating White House Director of Communications Hope Hicks, but she talks less than Kushner.

Trump finally announced today that he is “totally opposed to domestic violence of any kind”, with his Conscience Ivanka nearby.  Earlier he had Mike Pence denounce it.  It looked to me that Pence would have much preferred being in the Oval Office measuring for new drapes, but he did admit to Lester Holt that the matter could have been handled better.  Pence hastened to assure Holt that he would look into the matter.

The matter has also caught the eye of politically Born Again Trey Gowdy.  Gowdy is in the early stages of one of the most interesting turnarounds in recent memory.  Two weeks ago he was one of the vocal champions of the Nunes Memo, assuring the Fox and Friends sycophants that it would embarrass Adam Schiff.

Gowdy is best known for spending $7.8 million of federal funds as the chair of the House Benghazi investigation.  Not much came of it.  No charges were filed, although it did help make Hillary Clinton’s private e-mail server less private.  Her marathon grilling by the committee did little but show her toughness and boost her campaign contributions.  Trump opined that Gowdy “failed miserably” in his quest.

The Nunes memo turned out to be a piffle, not making Watergate look like a parking ticket, as Sean Hannity promised us.  If Trump is man enough to release the Democratic response, it might be even more diminished.  Gowdy rethought things and backed away, saying the memo would not affect the Mueller probe.

But even before that — in fact, the day after he was on Fox “News” — Gowdy decided not to run for re-election.  And today he announced that, as Chair of the House Oversight Committee, he will begin investigating the Rob Porter situation.

Yet Trump’s approval ratings, based on adjusted averages by the website FiveThirtyEight, has risen three points since January 23rd.  You can’t hallucinate weirder shit than this.

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the looming threat of lutefisk

January 25, 2018

I’d like to thank all of you — well, both of you — who commented on my last post.  Oddly, both are former high school classmates.  Al, a fellow Vietnam veteran, spun a far-fetched tale about a Shrek-like ogre named Trump who enlisted My Pretty Pony and Squid Ward to help drain a swamp populated by dinosaurs, Billary, Obowma and his side kick Joe.

The dinosaurs et al. tried mightily to defeat Trump, but the ogre and his American eagles prevailed.  A compelling story, Al, especially considering that you outed yourself as an old guy who knows who My Pretty Pony and Squid Ward are.  You must have grand kids.

Gordon, who actually lives in the swamp, said he’d have to give it some thought.  He’s more concerned about a local “whorey” anarchist who, coincidentally, is also named Trump.

So, thank you, gentlemen.  Your input is appreciated.

Let’s move on.  We have bigger fisk to fry.  The actual Trump is in Davos, Switzerland, talking up the strong U.S. economy as the dollar weakens against the euro and other currencies (Canada’s dollar, for one).  His Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin says a weaker dollar will help trade.  This did not calm international markets.  It doesn’t help that Trump has threatened to scrap NAFTA, and Trudeau has reaffirmed Canada’s commitment to the TPP.

If Trump’s economy does indeed continue booming, he’s going to have to get real on immigration.  Good jobs are already difficult to fill.  I don’t see how he can win on this.  If he dumps on the DREAMers, he’ll offend a sizable voting bloc that the Pew Research Center predicted in 2012 could double in size by 2030.  That would be 40 million Hispanic voters.

True, they didn’t turn out as expected in 2016, even as Trump constantly insulted and threatened them, but now those threats are being carried out.  He said today that he wants to offer the DREAMers a path to citizenship.  Breitbart News is now calling him “Amnesty Don”.  Depending on what he last reads or hears, he could change his mind many more times on this.

Add to this the Stormy Daniels turbulence, which has had much better (sorry, I can’t resist) “legs” than I first guessed.  And Michael Wolff’s book quotes Steve Bannon as saying there were many other payoffs for Trump’s indiscretions.  Wolff  hinted on one of his many talk show appearances that Trump is carrying on an affair in the White House now.  He won’t say who, but my money is on 29-year-old Hope Hicks, his Communications Director.  You’d recognize her.  She’s the one who always looks like she’s posing for Playboy.

Is it any wonder that Melania chose to stay home from the Davos summit?  Her handlers cited logistical conflicts.  Then she visited the Holocaust Museum in the Beltway.  How much of a conflict can that be?  The Museum is closed only for Christmas Day and Yom Kippur.

But I’ve buried my lead yet again.  I’m idly speculating that while Trump is in Switzerland, someone will tell him that he is much closer than usual to non-shithole Norway.  Wouldn’t he be tempted to pack Air Force One with Norwegian immigrants to start outnumbering all those Mexicans, Haitians and Africans?  About 350 Norwegians got U.S. green cards last year.  He’d have to do a reverse Berlin Airlift.

If he flooded America with Scandinavians, they would doubtless bring their culture.  That means the U.S. would see much more lutefisk than even now.  Lutefisk is a staple of the Norwegian diet.  It’s made by soaking whitefish in lye.  The lye is then soaked out, but would we know that for sure?

One knowledgeable lutefisk enthusiast assures us that we would know immediately if it had been improperly prepared because our mouth would start burning.   Given how Trump hates regulating things, would we ever be safe?  The only mention of caution I’ve found so far is that the Wisconsin Employees Right to Know Law specifically exempts lutefisk in defining “toxic substances”.

 

 

 

the anarchic story stump

January 12, 2018

As the Fire and Fury, uh, fury recedes, I thank Michael Wolff for keeping Trump’s finger off the nonexistent nuclear button for nearly a week.  I think we might have gotten an extra few days out of it if Wolff wasn’t such a sleaze.  It doesn’t help that he looks and sounds like Mike Myers’ Doctor Evil.

We have bigger fish for The Donny to lie about, anyway.  Shitholegate, e.g.  I love how it’s “s***hole” on CNN during the day, then “shithole” from Erin Burnett on.  I’m not surprised at the extent of the backlash, but the intensity of it is off the charts.  I’ve never seen so many pundits, including presidential historians, so enraged.  Phil Mudd was apoplectic, proudly declaring himself a shitholer because of his immigrant ancestors.  I don’t think we have the technology to measure the depth of anger here.

But I wanted to start the new year on a more positive note, so here goes.

On the road that connects the 60 or so souls who comprise our community, there is this:

On the left side of the road, there is this:

No one will claim setting it up, and I don’t think anyone cares who did.  It is an anarchic story stump.  Anyone is welcome to add to or rearrange it.

And that includes you.  Here are the characters.  Please tell me a story.

 

 

Here’s your opening scene.  Enjoy.

just like then, but 50 years later

December 29, 2017

So in a few hours we’ll be starting the 50th anniversary of 1968.  Let’s review: the seizing of the USS Pueblo by North Korea.  The Tet Offensive.  Laugh-In, 2001, Hair and 60 Minutes premiere.  The My Lai Massacre.  Martin Luther King Jr. and Bobby Kennedy assassinated.  The Civil Rights Act.  Pope Paul VI condemns birth control.  Chicago police bust protestors’ skulls at the Democratic National Convention.  Tommie Smith and John Carlos raise their fists in a Black Power salute on the medal podium at the Mexico City Olympics.  Led Zeppelin performs live for the first time, the Beatles release the White Album and the Stones drop Beggars Banquet.  Nixon becomes President.  The Heidi game.  Captain Kirk kisses Uhuru.  The Zodiac Killer.

I mean, things were poppin’.

And I believe ’18 could top it.  The U.S. was soundly divided by the Vietnam War and the Civil Rights movement then; it’s agonizing over even headier issues now.  E.g., will the rise of the #MeToo movement continue to equalize the power balance between men and women?  Interest in running for public office is surging among women.  I can’t wait to see if attendance at the Women’s March on January 21st will exceed last year’s 4 million.

Trump’s problems will continue to compound as he hits the various corners he’s backing into.  His blinding hatred of Obama puts him in the untenable position of claiming victory over the ACA even as he’ll have to reach out to Democrats to help shore it up.

His hysteria over the hordes of raping Mexican immigrants will also twist his knickers tighter.  He claims there will be no redemption for DACA without funding for the Wall.  I think he’s truly overstepped here.  The Dems almost certainly would refuse to comply.  If Trump screws over the Dreamers, he loses even more of the Hispanic vote.  If he doesn’t build the Wall, his base would probably start peeling away.  Indeed, he’s already losing Evangelicals, the base of his base.

He wants to end chain migration because it produced Sayfullo Saipov, who killed eight people on a New York City sidewalk recently.  To use one tragic example as a reason to end an entire program is, at best, specious reasoning: Donny’s wheelhouse.  By the same logic, would he use the arrest of ex-Marine Everitt Aaron Jameson — who was stopped from attacking Pier 39 in San Francisco — to abolish the Marine Corps?

After all, Trump could argue, the Corps has produced lots of violent men, like Charles Whitmore and Lee Harvey Oswald.

Then there’s the Russia situation.  Trump is so agitated by what Mueller might find that in a recent 30-minute interview he said 16 times that there was no collusion.  It’s even weirder when you consider that collusion is not a legal term.  If he goes down, it likely would be for conspiracy or obstruction of justice.  So technically he’d be correct.

In the words of the late, great Dick Enberg, “oh, my!”  Buckle up, world.  It’s gonna be a bumpy year.

And Happy New Year!

welcome back, brightness!

December 21, 2017

Winter solstice returned to our neck of the woods at 8:28 a.m. today, and even though it was still dark here, I have never been happier to see the return of the light.  As I write this, Trump’s cabinet members are humiliating themselves with toadying comments about his “exquisite” leadership, as the House GOP scrambles for enough votes to avoid a government shutdown tomorrow.  That would be less than exquisite.

While we await the consequences of the tax restructuring, I’m appreciating the Christmas gifts the Donny has so generously given us.  His hearty endorsement of Roy Moore, heartily withdrawn after Moore lost, helped the Democrats gain a seat in the Senate.  In the long game, that’s probably more valuable than the spectacle of  Moore roaming the Mall and the malls of the Beltway.  He’ll have to settle for the food courts of Alabama, except in Gadsden.

If the Judge had been created by the writers of Saturday Night Live, Lorne Michaels would likely reject him as too unbelievable:  “C’mon, folks.  A 30-year-old sexual predator who says he didn’t ‘generally’ date teenagers?  Get real.  Write another Coneheads.”

And then there’s the kerfuffle at the U.N.  I understand why Trump thought it would help to recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel.  He needs to keep feeding his base as the heat of the Russia investigation builds.  But, maybe from the mistaken belief that his tax bill success meant unlimited political capital, he blusters into the U.N. via Nikki Haley.

Haley is of double value to him as a woman and a person of colour.  She’s his favourite because she’s ballsier than he is.  Opposing a non-binding resolution to condemn Trump’s policy change, she told the U.N. “the U.S. will remember the day when it was singled out for attack in the General Assembly for the very right of exercising our right as a sovereign nation”.

She added some threats about withdrawal of U.S. aid in the speech, which dripped with so much victimhood it could have been written by Omarosa.  Undaunted and unappreciative, the Assembly voted 128-9 for the resolution.  Canada and Mexico abstained.  I know it’s because they’re deep in negotiations about NAFTA, but I’m disappointed in Prime Minister Trudeau.

Those countries joining the U.S. included Guatamala, Honduras and five South Pacific powerhouses, including Nauru and Palua.  Europe and the Middle East said “no thanks”.

And the bestest gift is the GOP opposition to the Russia investigation, which is getting so shrill that only dogs will be able to hear it soon.  Trump Jr. is seeing conspiracies, Sean Hannity is so upset he looks like he’s about to wet himself and Ohio Representative Jim Jordan advanced an argument on CNN that really should be Googled.

On Fox News he was relatively restrained and measured, but on CNN he talked as if he’d just had a case of Red Bulls.  Jake Tapper struggled heroically to help Jordan sort it out, but he babbled like a speed freak, barely breathing.  The stink of desperation from the GOP on this matter can be smelled here in B.C.

So, thank you, President Trump.  I couldn’t possibly give back as much as you’ve given me, but I would like you to have this song, sung to the tune of “Jesus Loves the Little Children”.  It doesn’t have any shelf life left to it, anyway.

“Roy Moore loves the little children,

All the little girlies at the mall,

Under eighteen, must be white,

They are fair game in his sight,

Judge Moore loves them

An that takes a lot of gall.”

 

 

 

the Moore we know

December 11, 2017

So tomorrow Alabama voters will choose a replacement for embattled Jeff Sessions.  Doug Jones, the Democrat, is described by Trump as soft on crime, although he successfully prosecuted two of the Klansmen responsible for a church bombing that killed four black girls.  He also, according to The Donnie, loves the hordes of illegal aliens that aren’t pouring over the borders.  You remember them, yes?  When they weren’t raping, they were voting three to five million times for Hilary.

Judge Roy Moore, the Republican, recently said that America was last great during slavery.  Even with the weight of all that nostalgia, he was able to court underage girls when he was in his 30’s.  Maybe I shouldn’t use “court”.  The Gadsden Gadabout was banned from the Gadsden Mall for Advanced Creepiness.

Leigh Corfman, one of his targets, said he fondled her when she was 14.  Moore denies it.  Many people say that Corfman told them about it right after the incident.  Beverly Young Nelson said Moore sexually assaulted her behind the restaurant she worked at when she was 16.  Moore denies that as well.  Several other women say he harassed them.  Moore . . . well, see above.

Moore’s wife of 32 years, Kayla, is standing by her man.  He first spotted her at a dance recital when she was a teenager, and he knew that she “was going to be a special person in my life.”  When Kayla is not standing, she’s earning $65K a year as president of the Foundation for Moral Law, which Roy founded in 2002.

The Foundation does God’s work, like outing Obama as a Muslim and opposing the appointment of Col. Kristin Goodwin as Commandant of the U.S. Air Force Academy because she’s a lesbian.  You can certainly understand Roy’s opposition to Col. Goodwin: she does other unfeminine things like fly B-52 bombers, and she’s not a teenager.

When the Foundation is not doing God’s bidding — like accepting a contribution from a neo-Nazi group — it’s explaining to the IRS why its tax records are inaccurate, and why its holy work overlaps the Judge’s political career.

Moore’s ardent supporters have reacted to the women’s accusations as if they’d just been told that Jesus wasn’t all that white.  They say that an inscription by Moore in Nelson’s yearbook is invalid because she added the day and place he signed it.  Nelson’s attorney, Gloria Allred, says Moore’s signature has been confirmed by an independent hand-writing expert.

One rabid right blogger reasoned that it couldn’t be Moore’s writing because the tacked-on date was December, and yearbooks come out in the spring.  How can you argue with that?

Many prominent Republicans, including Alabama’s other U.S. Senator Richard Shelby, oppose Moore.  The White House is “troubled” by the allegations, but Trump desperately needs a GOP hold here.  So he’s been coyly campaigning for the Judge with robocalls and appearances in Florida and Mississippi.  The only reason I can figure as to why he won’t actually go into the state is that he doesn’t want to risk being photographed with Moore.

Not to worry.  Steve Bannon, a slightly thinner version of Trump, has been barnstorming the state decrying that The Forces of Evil think Alabama voters are a bunch of rubes.  We’ll know for certain tomorrow.

The Democrats have contributed robocalls from Obama and Joe Biden.  Cory Booker and civil rights legend John Lewis went in-state to rally black voters.  We’ll know the effectiveness of that soon, as well.

Either way, the Dems will get an early Christmas gift.  A Jones win cuts the GOP’s razor-thin advantage in the Senate even further, although they would probably maintain it only until the slot comes up again in 2020.

A Moore win continues the massive embarrassment until the Repubs can somehow neutralize him.  The Judge’s views are so antiquated his campaign appearances should be in scratchy black and white archival footage.  He’s George Wallace, Lester Maddox, Orval Faubus and Ross Barnett born again.

And he won’t go quietly.  He has God’s Agenda, which supercedes Trump’s.  His ongoing presence can only fuel the #MeToo movement, which is already raging hotter than the Southern California fires.

So stay tuned.  Will Moore be able to wave his tiny pistol in the Beltway?  Will his base be so galvanized that it can’t move?  Will he be denied due to a write-in candidate (I’m hoping Boaty McBoatface)?  Or will Jones turn the Crimson Tide?  Jude and I will be watching CNN all evening.  But, then again, we always do.

what, if anything, was going through his head?

November 28, 2017

Trump has a mind-boggling ability to fuck up the easiest tasks.  Yesterday, as part of National American Indian Heritage Month, all he had to do was honour Navajo Code Talkers from World War II.  These men saved countless U.S. lives in the Pacific Theatre by sending radio messages in their native tongue.  The Axis was never able to decipher it.

So how does POTUS shit on it?  He takes a poke at Elizabeth Warren, calling her “Pocahontas” because she claims to have Native American heritage.  She has only anecdotal evidence of that, but that doesn’t need to be resolved while respecting genuine heroes.

Trump tried to mollify his remark by telling the three veterans in the White House, “But you know what?  I like you.  Because you are special.  You are special people.  You are really incredible people.”  He said it in his hyper-condescending way, like they were lucky he was even noticing them.

And he did it under a painting of his role model Andrew Jackson, POTUS 7, who presided over the Trail of Tears tragedy, in which more than 4000 Cherokees died.  The optics were the worst since Trump stood by the CIA’s Memorial Wall in January and boasted of the size of his Inauguration crowd.  To his credit, though, he did mention that the Wall was “very special”.