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bachelor’s banquet

February 23, 2011

Last night I ate enough calories to fuel my body well into October.

Jude’s coming home from a business trip today, so I thought I’d

have a extraordinarily manly meal that she shouldn’t have to

witness.  She worries about me, don’t you know.

This had to be a special meal, one to honor my past and future.

Since I have no clue as to what’s ahead, I went back to my roots.

My greasy roots.  The traditional cusine of the Midwest and the

South exists only to be fried.  Hence, I started with bacon, found

the perfect counterpoint (mac & cheese), and brought it all to

full potential with Oreos.  Witness:

Of course, it’s all about presentation, and everything about this

meal — from the splashy plate design, to the droll use of broccoli

instead of parsley, to the playful stacking of the Oreos — coyly

says “eat me!”  Here’s some detail:

I wanted to keep the

meal elegantly simple.

This called for a single

candle and a lone flower

(the lone flower I could

find).  Selecting the wine

was a tad of a conundrum.

Do I highlight the grain-

fed goodness of the bacon

with a 2002 Peter Michael

Ma Belle-Fille chardonnay from Sonoma County, or respect the rich

tradition of the mac & cheese’s sodium phosphates with an ’06 Even-

stad Reserve Pinot Noir from Domaine Serene in the Willamette Valley

of Oregon?

In the piquant spirit of the food selection, I decided to be bold and

went with an ’11 Pepsi instead.  Perfect. It tied everything together


One more thing: here’s how the meal would have looked to you

if you are approximately 45 inches tall and squint:

  1. February 23, 2011 5:22 am

    Lordy, that meal looks disgusting! Jude is going to tan your hide!

    • February 23, 2011 1:05 pm

      She needn’t bother. My hide already has enough preservatives in it.

  2. February 23, 2011 6:40 am

    ~grin~ This made me laugh and laugh… I mean, come ON. Everybody knows that you’re supposed to pair bacon with CHIPS AHOY.

    • February 23, 2011 1:12 pm

      Well, as a sporadic bachelor, I have a lot to learn. Would it change anything if I told you they were double-stuffed Oreos? And with just those six cookies, I got 96% of my RDA of saturated fats.

  3. February 23, 2011 6:47 am

    2011 is a good year for Pepsi~!

    • February 23, 2011 1:14 pm

      I think it’s comparable to its 1997 harvest.

  4. February 23, 2011 9:25 am

    Excellent presentation, and about the only thing that would have made it more perfect is an after-dinner glass of milk to pair with the cookies…Oreos or Chips Ahoy!

    • February 23, 2011 1:16 pm

      I actually did that several hours later. I just couldn’t eat dessert right away after the first two courses.

  5. Gil N. permalink
    March 10, 2011 12:36 pm

    I know you learned your nutrition skills at FPHS!

    • March 10, 2011 1:09 pm

      Thanks. When I was cooking that, I was thinking “what will Gil eat?” A definite step down from those incredible French dip sandwiches from Ray’s Grill in Monroe, eh?

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