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all this and bacon, too

February 22, 2011

Jude left for the mainland yesterday for a three-day orientation to her new job.

I’m a bachelor briefly, and I’m enjoying a wild time while she’s gone.  I think you

know what I’m talking about.  That’s right.  I’m having ham and bacon.

She actually doesn’t have any problem with the ham.  I went to an amateur radio

class last night.  We want to set up a ham radio rig for emergencies that might

wipe out communications — like earthquakes, forest fires and civil unrest, parti-

cularly the Zombie Apocalypse.

Honestly, we don’t worry too much about that last one if it originates outside of

Canuckistan.  I can easily imagine this exchange at the U.S. line between a zombie

and a Canada Border Service Agent:


CBSA: May I see your passport, sir or madam?

Zombie: Unnngggh.

CBSA:  Do you need a French-speaking agent?

Zombie: Unnngggh. (hands agent something)

CBSA: This is a Blockbuster card.  I need a passport.

Zombie: (shrugs) Ungh.

CBSA: Then I’m refusing you entry into Canada.  Come back when you have

proper documentation and better hygiene.

Zombie: Funnngghu.

CBSA: And take all your friends milling around behind you.  Why were you

coming to our country, anyway?

Zombie: For the brains.  Apparently we were misinformed.  (mills away)

CBSA: Have a nice night.

(the zombie mumbles something unintelligible)

I went out to eat last night before the class.  I had a surprisingly healthy

meal in Jude’s absence, clam chowder and honey-garlic chicken wings.

I believe the wholesomeness of the seafood balanced the tastiness of

the wings.  Tonight I feast at home with seven slices of Sam and Em’s

bacon with mac and cheese.  I might get reckless and add extra cheese.

It’s okay.  I don’t have to drive home.  Even so, please don’t tell Jude.


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