Anchor Struck

Jude and I just regained e-contact with the rest of the world.  Our phone and internet problems were resolved yesterday.  That meant the only way we could reach other humans was to drive to our neighbours, leaving us with satellite TV.

But that was distraction writ large.  I’m watching so much CNN that I’m hoarse from yelling at Trump.  I do watch the occasional sporting event, so I can yell at the tube as God intended.

How  could I resist the implosion of Droopy Donnie, the explosion of the GOP, and an election so screwy that Hillary still has to fight for every vote?  The distance between Michelle Obama’s soaring speech and Trump’s bragging about his package in the primaries would have to be measured in light-years.  That high/low thing, don’t ya know.

Even though I hope Clinton deals the Donald a soul-crushing (if he has one) defeat, I more so hope that we’ll mark 2016 as the year sexual assault came out of the shadows and into the national conversation.  Even Trump’s female surrogates don’t seem to get it.  They parrot his outrageous misogynist fabrications so reliably that they’ve ruined irony.  One of them, Dr. Gina Loudon, even works with abuse victims.

In general, the surrogates are a textbook case (nay, a textbook itself) of how to lie, misrepresent, deflect, obfuscate and spin.  Watch them in a CNN panel discussion.  When they hear something — facts, for example — that they don’t like, many of them shake their head vigorously.  Jude and I call it the Kayleigh shake, named after Kayleigh McEnany.  She’s not the worst of the surrogates, but we’ve voted her most irritating, edging out Scottie Nell Hughes.  Corey Lewandoski, who looks like he’s actually spitting venom, wins Mister Noncongeniality.

Our puppy Katoo chose Trump himself.  She often barks at the TV when he speaks.

The major issues aside, I can’t peel away from the set too long because every day provides hilarious sideshows.  This afternoon Droopy Donnie suggested, in his incomparable passive-aggressive way, that Hillary is juicing for the debates.  Forget ISIS, he wants her to drug test.

One of the news shows had a segment on how employable the Donald would be outside of Trump Tower.  Can you imagine him as a Wal-Mart greeter?  “Sporting goods, aisle 34, pal.  Get a gun and take yourself off the welfare rolls.  Cosmetics?  Don’t even bother, lady.  You’re a three, tops.  Groceries?  Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

I urge you to vote.  The more who do, the more accurate a picture we’ll have about the mood of the country.  And Hillary is gonna need it.  She’ll inherit a sharply divided nation. It will help her to know how many Americans are okay with racism, xenophobia, enhanced torture and sexual abuse.