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the Moore we know

December 11, 2017

So tomorrow Alabama voters will choose a replacement for embattled Jeff Sessions.  Doug Jones, the Democrat, is described by Trump as soft on crime, although he successfully prosecuted two of the Klansmen responsible for a church bombing that killed four black girls.  He also, according to The Donnie, loves the hordes of illegal aliens that aren’t pouring over the borders.  You remember them, yes?  When they weren’t raping, they were voting three to five million times for Hilary.

Judge Roy Moore, the Republican, recently said that America was last great during slavery.  Even with the weight of all that nostalgia, he was able to court underage girls when he was in his 30’s.  Maybe I shouldn’t use “court”.  The Gadsden Gadabout was banned from the Gadsden Mall for Advanced Creepiness.

Leigh Corfman, one of his targets, said he fondled her when she was 14.  Moore denies it.  Many people say that Corfman told them about it right after the incident.  Beverly Young Nelson said Moore sexually assaulted her behind the restaurant she worked at when she was 16.  Moore denies that as well.  Several other women say he harassed them.  Moore . . . well, see above.

Moore’s wife of 32 years, Kayla, is standing by her man.  He first spotted her at a dance recital when she was a teenager, and he knew that she “was going to be a special person in my life.”  When Kayla is not standing, she’s earning $65K a year as president of the Foundation for Moral Law, which Roy founded in 2002.

The Foundation does God’s work, like outing Obama as a Muslim and opposing the appointment of Col. Kristin Goodwin as Commandant of the U.S. Air Force Academy because she’s a lesbian.  You can certainly understand Roy’s opposition to Col. Goodwin: she does other unfeminine things like fly B-52 bombers, and she’s not a teenager.

When the Foundation is not doing God’s bidding — like accepting a contribution from a neo-Nazi group — it’s explaining to the IRS why its tax records are inaccurate, and why its holy work overlaps the Judge’s political career.

Moore’s ardent supporters have reacted to the women’s accusations as if they’d just been told that Jesus wasn’t all that white.  They say that an inscription by Moore in Nelson’s yearbook is invalid because she added the day and place he signed it.  Nelson’s attorney, Gloria Allred, says Moore’s signature has been confirmed by an independent hand-writing expert.

One rabid right blogger reasoned that it couldn’t be Moore’s writing because the tacked-on date was December, and yearbooks come out in the spring.  How can you argue with that?

Many prominent Republicans, including Alabama’s other U.S. Senator Richard Shelby, oppose Moore.  The White House is “troubled” by the allegations, but Trump desperately needs a GOP hold here.  So he’s been coyly campaigning for the Judge with robocalls and appearances in Florida and Mississippi.  The only reason I can figure as to why he won’t actually go into the state is that he doesn’t want to risk being photographed with Moore.

Not to worry.  Steve Bannon, a slightly thinner version of Trump, has been barnstorming the state decrying that The Forces of Evil think Alabama voters are a bunch of rubes.  We’ll know for certain tomorrow.

The Democrats have contributed robocalls from Obama and Joe Biden.  Cory Booker and civil rights legend John Lewis went in-state to rally black voters.  We’ll know the effectiveness of that soon, as well.

Either way, the Dems will get an early Christmas gift.  A Jones win cuts the GOP’s razor-thin advantage in the Senate even further, although they would probably maintain it only until the slot comes up again in 2020.

A Moore win continues the massive embarrassment until the Repubs can somehow neutralize him.  The Judge’s views are so antiquated his campaign appearances should be in scratchy black and white archival footage.  He’s George Wallace, Lester Maddox, Orval Faubus and Ross Barnett born again.

And he won’t go quietly.  He has God’s Agenda, which supercedes Trump’s.  His ongoing presence can only fuel the #MeToo movement, which is already raging hotter than the Southern California fires.

So stay tuned.  Will Moore be able to wave his tiny pistol in the Beltway?  Will his base be so galvanized that it can’t move?  Will he be denied due to a write-in candidate (I’m hoping Boaty McBoatface)?  Or will Jones turn the Crimson Tide?  Jude and I will be watching CNN all evening.  But, then again, we always do.

  1. I. P. Freely permalink
    December 11, 2017 6:33 pm

    White people be crazy.

    Thanks for your lovely essay bromieaster.

    Moore is a unbridled peckerhead.

    Write if you find work.

  2. Gordon Raley permalink
    December 18, 2017 4:01 pm

    CNN on election night was more exciting than NFL football. Well, that’s a low bar since I watch the Redskins, but it was really a great night. Nice to win one. I hope we’ll have Moore like them.

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