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this might help

August 6, 2016

In 1964 my dear friend and fellow miniature golf enthusiast Gordon and I were ardent Barry Goldwater supporters.  The GOP nominee for President was being hammered so soundly by the media that we wrote a parody to “Goldfinger” to help turn things around.  It had such memorable lines as “he gets cold water, every time he opens his mouth — ‘cept in the South”.

Fortunately the song had minimal impact, likely because we never showed it to anyone else.  Goldwater got trounced.  If I hadn’t done a 180-out from conservative politics (and guilt in general), I might still blame myself.  Then again, humourist Art Buchwald, when asked why Barry lost, said, “lack of votes, mainly”.

Anyhoo, I was watching “Goldfinger” recently.  It’s still my favourite Connery Bond film. And it hit me. Trump is the new Auric Goldfinger.  Consider: the sneer, the ostentatious life style, the obsession with accumulating even more wealth, the willingness to use nuclear weapons.  I rest my case.


So we need a new parody, and here ’tis:


“Gold Hoarder.

He’s the man, the man with the orange hair.

You’d best beware!

He wants closed borders.

To save whites from all of those blacks and browns.

He puts them down!


Pure bullshit freely flows from his mouth.

But it’s still gobbled up in the South.

‘Cause his redneck fans eat up Don’s turd words.

It’s a crock of crap from Mister Gold Hoarder.

Foreigners, he thinks of them all as slobs.

Except Odd Job.


Trump would build up a ginormous wall,

Insist Mexicans pay for it all.

But when they refuse, he’ll skip out on the bills.

Head out for the hills, will Mister Gold Hoarder.

Voters all, don’t fall for his phony con.

His heart is gone!


He loves only him.

Only him.

He loves him.

He loves only him.

Only him.

He loves him!”





  1. Anonymous permalink
    August 6, 2016 8:45 pm

    Nice way to give the finger to The Man with the Orange Hair!

  2. Gordon permalink
    August 15, 2016 8:57 pm

    As with most of our collaborations, Allen has a whole parody seemingly roll out of his head in a few minutes and a couple of weeks later I come up with line or two. But as a toast to my fellow star in a yet to be released horror show “I Was A Teenage Republican” are a line or two to be inserted somewhere appropriate in the lyrics:

    He’ll send truth to the trash for a win;
    Make America hate again,
    Then when he’s Don
    He’ll go on vacation
    But leave in his wake
    A divided nation

    Gold Hoarder……

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