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January 23, 2015

A week from today, my play The Smell of Money will make its world premiere and I’ll find out how keen a sense of humour the heirs of Rodgers and Hammerstein have.  It’s a loose parody of The Sound of Music, with Americans subbing for Nazis and militant vegans for nuns.  I rewrote lyrics for 14 of the songs from the film and stage production.  Here’s a little ditty you can sing to “My Favorite Things”:

“Raindrops with acids that burn through my mittens.  Foodstuffs with hormones that turn cats to kittens.  White plastic shopping bags clogging our streams.  These are a few of the scariest things.

Salmon with sea lice and run of the river.  Various chemicals eating my liver.  Ducks stuck in tailings ponds, oil on their wings.  These are some more of the scariest things.

Air so polluted it smogs up my glasses.  Snowflakes turned filthy from foul greenhouse gases.  Polar bears scrambling to make it to spring.  That’s just three more of the scariest things.

Global warming, corporate farming, sometimes makes me sad.  But when I remember the scariest things, it actually makes me mad.”

I apologize for the layout on that, but WordPress doesn’t tolerate much deviation in spacing.

Although I’m trying to stay ahead of the curve, I still have myriad details to attend to before the curtains part.  Oddly, curtains won’t be one of those details.  We won’t even have a stage.  We’re presenting it in a restaurant.  The cast will be weaving amongst the patrons.

Jude and I went to Campbell River Wednesday to procure a holster for one of the costumes.  A military man — one Major Mal Funktion — is to carry a miniature hockey stick instead of a pistol.  We went to several sporting goods stores to no avail.  The laws in Canada on hand guns are so strict that the stores don’t bother to stock them.  In the states, we would never be any further away from a holster than the nearest Wal-Mart.

I find it reassuring that if we have any disgruntled customers, they’ll have to show their displeasure by throwing salmon rotini at us.

  1. John Bozich permalink
    January 23, 2015 5:16 pm

    reminds me fondly of UMHE skits you coordinated with your wit and wisdom. jb

    • January 26, 2015 11:34 am

      Hey, jb. Happy ’15. The UMHE shows started it all. Thank you for being our ringer in the audience. My best to the colonel. ap

  2. January 23, 2015 8:31 pm

    Sounds like it would be fun! Wish I could see it!

    • January 26, 2015 11:39 am

      Hey, beanie. It’s great to hear from you again. Hopefully you can see the film version.

  3. Inveterate Teacher permalink
    January 24, 2015 8:40 am

    One of My Favorite Songs from your play. Kudos to the writer-director.

    • January 26, 2015 11:44 am

      Kudos gratefully accepted. This is gonna be one heavy week.

  4. summergale permalink
    January 25, 2015 5:33 am

    Break a leg, it really sounds fun. Take pictures 🙂

    • January 26, 2015 11:48 am

      I’m hoping that the gods of theatre will accept my hip operation as the broken leg. I do hope to get some pics and/or video.

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