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#Jon Kyl actually prefers Hydrox to Oreos

April 14, 2011

Yesterday morning I watched the rain go from a sprinkle to a Biblical deluge and

back and forth and back in the span of an hour.  This is the kind of special weather

that inspires writers, I thought.  So I ate some chocolate and drank some orange

juice (that’s how my high school track coach prepped the team).  Then I sat back

and waited for the ideas to flow.


Just the rain flowed.  Then Lee showed up to work on the truck and needed some

help replacing a part on the suspension system.  Then Jude showed up to whisk us

off to a meeting.  Then we rushed home to meet Paul and watch the Canucks win

their first game of the playoffs.


Short story shorter, I ran out of time to craft a fascinating post to inform and/or

amuse you.


In lieu of that, I want to hip you to the bedeviling of Jon Kyl by Stephen Colbert.

Kyl is a conservative Republican senator from Arizona.  Colbert is a comedian who

mocks politicians and pop culture by pretending to be a rabid right wing pundit

on “The Colbert Report”.  Do yourself a favor and check it out.  It follows “The Daily

Show” on Comedy Central (U.S.)/Comedy Network (Canada).  They’re the sharpest

hour of satire on TV.


Both programs regularly lampoon the excesses of any point on the political spec-

trum.  Jon Stewart of “The Daily Show” does a hilarious spoof of G. Beck.  S. Palin

provides material for the guys pretty much every time she pops off.  So not many

lies from the national pols go unreported.


A few days ago, Kyl — while discussing budget cuts — claimed that abortion is “well

over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does.”  A fact check discovered that

Kyl was 87 percentage points off.  To deconstruct this whopper, his office said that

the figure he quoted was “not intended to be a factual statement”.  What cajones.


This was red meat to the faux redneck Colbert.  On his Twitter account, he created

the hashtag #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement and started tweeting furiously.

He “revealed” that Jon Kyl:

# – is one of Gaddafi’s sexy female ninja guards

# – cannot legally be within 100 yards of Helen Mirren

# – shoots manatees with paintball guns on weekends

# – calls all Asians “Neil” no matter what their name is

# – once ate a badger he hit with his car

# – lost $380,000 in 2009 betting on dwarf tossing

# – is an accomplished nude hula dancer not welcome in Hawaii

# – can, and will, deny that you’re a jolly good fellow

# – was sent from the future to kill Sarah Conner

# – thinks no one can see him when he puts a paper bag on his head

# – once a year goes to the Arizona desert and deposits 2 million egg sacs in the sand

 

There’s plenty more, and Colbert’s 2,204,484 followers on Twitter are pitching in.

At one point, the hashtag was tweeting at the rate of 46.2 posts per minute.  I guess

that’s impressive.  I have no idea what the average hashtag tweeting rate is.

 

I look forward to any response Kyl makes, if he dares to.  That would give Colbert

the home field advantage.  Imagine how much time and energy would be saved in

the political process if pols and pundits would just stop making stuff up.


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4 Comments
  1. Charlotte Wales permalink
    April 14, 2011 8:14 am

    I won’t hold my breath on that one – – too painful!

    • April 14, 2011 8:47 am

      Too painful that Kyl lied, or too painful that he thought he could get away with it?

  2. April 14, 2011 8:52 pm

    Ahhh…the joys of living in Arizona!

    • April 14, 2011 9:09 pm

      Barry Goldwater, Evan Mecham, Jan Brewer, the on-again-off-again maverick John McCain . . .
      possibly only Florida could beat it for right wing loopiness. Did you finish watching the Farmer
      John You Tubes?

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