TAMPONS AND EAGLE CORPSES EVERYWHERE!!!

I take my role as a satirist seriously (and humourously, of course). So I’m semi-sincere when I type Random Chance bless you, Donald John Trump. His press conference yesterday morphed from Possible Presentation of Facts to Vintage Lunacy quite efficiently. It didn’t help that he wanted to address the plight of working class America at the entrance of his exclusive country club, but it might have been a slightly better choice than his campaign event at the Four Seasons Landscaping Company a few doors down from an adult book store.

And whose idea was it to include a box of Froot Loops in the props behind him?

The presser was intended to get Aging Orange back, or finally, on track as Harris dances around him like Muhammed Ali at his peak. Not gonna happen. While J.D. Vance was assuring Laura Ingraham that suburban women were concerned with “normal things”, not abortion, Trump raved about Tim Walz putting Tampon dispensers in boys’ bathrooms.

His tsunami of shit was breathtaking. Immigrants are taking more than 100 percent of jobs from real Americans. His tariffs on China brought in hundreds of billion dollars. Nobody knows Kamala’s last name. The Supreme Court granted him immunity from “all the stuff that they charged me with”.

My favourite is his claim that Harris is responsible for a law allowing Californians to rob up to $950 from stores. It’s actually still illegal, though a misdemeanor, signed into law by Arnold Schwarzsenegger.

For good measure, Trump dusted off an oldie but baddy: wind turbines kills birds at a biblical proportion. “You want to see a bird cemetery?”, he ranted, “Just go under a windmill. Thousands of birds dead.” And they’re not just ordinary birds, either. Some of them are bald eagles. Bald eagles, America’s avian symbol, for fuck’s sake!

Maybe the box of Froot Loops was appropriate.